Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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