Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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