Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
