ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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