were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
