I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
