Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
