The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
