Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
