How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
