Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
