So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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