WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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