Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
3 2 1 whiskey
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
