I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you win again, gameday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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