i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it fun? or sober?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
