I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
