She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
