At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
