Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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