i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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