PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
