i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
