Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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