y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
