The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
