I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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