I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
