Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize