ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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