and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
