you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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