please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
