Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
