ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
