Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
