I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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