What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
