my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
