Someone shit on the floor
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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