Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
