Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
