She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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