And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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