I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My life is pants optional.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
