she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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