Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
