You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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