He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
