i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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