Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
