You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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