sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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