So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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