you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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