i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
