This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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