I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
