you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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