my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
