At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
