Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
