I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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