some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
