im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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