My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
