U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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